Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Happy Halloween, A Day of Magic

Happy Halloween. Today's moments are filled with endless possibilities. Magic is all around us everyday. However, Halloween is a special day in which the magic becomes stronger for several reasons. Most reason are a mystery and depends on the person, as well as culture.

Many say Halloween is a day to connect with the dead. As well as the dead walk freely among us hidden in costumes.

Lots of Empaths will tell you this is the day communication becomes easier even for beginners. Perhaps because so many individuals are focusing the energy in the idea of communication, such as with the dead.

When we start to understand basic laws of nature such as energy, vibration, and attraction, everyday is a powerful day for magic.

However you celebrate Halloween wish you the blessed day and night. Be safe. Do not drink and drive. Party and live for another day.

Picture created by Eve Hoffman

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

No means No, even if the pervert is a family member

Picture created by Eve Hoffman
The pervert want the victim to feel he or she did something wrong. No means No
The pervert want the victim to feel he or she did something wrong. No means No

09/24/17 11:05 am 
No means no. For years I have said no to my stepfather. His physical sexual advances started when I was a young adult. From the moment we met he look at me in sick and wrongs ways that made my skin crawl. I was in my early 20's the first time I believe he touched my bum. Thankfully I had moved out of my mother's home prior to my mother meeting my stepfather when I was 15 years young. I had not lived with him as a teen, otherwise I am certain his advancements would had started earlier. I am now 44 years young and still dealing with the stepfather sexual advances. 

For years my stepfather would simply touch my bum without words. I never knew when he was going to grab me. Today his new method include telling me verbally what he desires sexually of me, as well as the following, "your adult now, let me know if your interested" or "come on, just one hug". For the endless amount of times, "no, I am not interested!"  

Alright, lets look at a bit of history that will set a clearer idea of why trust is a major issue. The stepfather has a history of abuse to himself and others. When I stayed with my mother for a short time when I was 17 years old my stepfather assaulted me over the curse word "Fuck"I said in which he did not like. My mother stood by watching my stepfather slap and punch me. After several hits, she finally pleaded for her new husband to stop. So with this moment in mind, took me years of saying no in many creative ways to finally realize I am not at fault. No matter what my mother believes, my stepfather grabbing my bum is not acceptable for any reason at any age.

For me the biggest issue is not the stepfather sexual advances, yet my mother's thinking I am at fault for the way I dress and talk. For years now I have endured the stress of my stepfather and keep saying no for the sake of the relationship with my mother. The sad aspect each year the stepfather becomes more bold and touches more body parts. Also, my relationship with my mother appears worse then better. No matter what I do in my mother's eyes, I am the one that is at fault. 

Even at the age of 70 years young my stepfather lacks the concept of personal boundaries. So, never think age is a factor with sexual assaults. Sometimes the older perverts are overlooked. As you see with my stepfather's sexual assault does not have to include a working penis ( will explain further in the article). Also, my stepfather fails to understand not all fantasies should be revealed. Some thoughts and urges should be kept in secret and within the pervert's mind, or with his or her therapy with a certified doctor. 

I have tried for years to be respectful for my mother. I even tried to tell my mother only to get my clothes changed when I come to visit. Now that I am direct, all my mother says is stay away from her husband. Yes, I do stay away from her husband. The only time I see my mother's husband is when I visit my mother. When my mother learns of the new rule of staying away from her home while she is still married to him, I hope she remember she said I was the problem.

All I have asked of my mother is to recognize the stepfather is at fault and her husband needs to stop the sexual advances. Also, she must realize the only private relationship with my stepfather and I is in his dreams and fantasies. For my mother I have not called the police. However, after learning about my stepfather touching my bum is an offense that he can go to jail in Texas I will. I did not want to bring harm to my mother is why I avoided the law. However, since I know from history, I do not have my mother's protection or support, I must do what is good for me and my family.

Funny when I was younger, I would wear pants and a shirts around my stepfather. He would ask for a hug when I first arrived and when I left my mother's home. Of course slipping his hands down the back of my pants for a feel of my bum. So, now I wear dresses. The stepfather just slides his hands down my bum. I try to get away fast to avoid the bum grab with a hug, I  try for side hugs. Super awkward. The sad part is I can imagine him reaching under one of my dresses for a good feel one day. Thankfully this has not happen. In the state of Texas if he was to touch someone's genitals is consider a sexual felony. Not sure how I would react. Often times I freeze and blackout with hope the moment shall pass quickly.

So, I have decided for my own well being, I will meet my mother outside of her house in public places or at my home. We can meet at the park down the street from her house or the walking trail between our homes. I will meet her with my big boy Duke. We can go see a movie or meet to eat. We can even go shopping if she pleases. Now my mother is welcome to my house. No matter where we meet our visits will not be on  a property in which my mother owns with my stepfather.

We could get rough with my stepfather to have him stop. I know plenty of people that are willing to teach my stepfather a lesson. I love them over teaching my stepfather anything. The sad part in some ways getting rough with the stepfather maybe a wake-up call that is much needed. However, I rather take the peaceful route by keep saying no, as well as avoiding the stepfather. If I am pushed, I will call the law. I will take my friends advice and stay away from my stepfathers property. Now if he sexually assaults me in public, I do have the right to defend myself by any means necessary. I have warned him personally and publicly with this post. I am no longer keeping his sick fantasies a secret. As I said, I will take my friends advice and avoid the stepfather for everyone's safety including mine. 

What amazes me is the fantasy of having sex with his wife's daughter. Also, what shocks me is the constant nos do not stop him. I have stayed away for a few years at a time, even time does not help. If anything the stepfather touches more and begs more to have oral sex with me. The sad thing being nice is part of being respectful, not a open moment to sexually assault me.

Yes ladies and gentlemen, being touched in a unwanted sexual manner is an assault. Stand up and be brave. Say no loudly so all can hear. Above all, do not keep the assault secret in hopes to protect a loved one or the person will stop. Appears with perverts once a line is crossed there is no going back.

Also, the perverts desires the person he or she is assaulting to feel the actions are his or her fault. No matter the excuse, such as you smiled or wearing a sexy outfit, the sexual physical and verbal assaults are not your fault. Even if you wear something see through, the assault is not your fault. Moreover, even if your bum pops out of your outfit, the assault is not your fault. Furthermore, even if the whole entire body can be seen through the outfit, the sexual assault is not your fault.

Moreover, enjoying sex in a healthy manner is the spice of life. Sex is a healthy act that helps to maintain good health between two consenting adults. Now enduring unwanted sexual advances from a pervert is a nightmare, as well as unhealthy. Be careful not to allow anyone to blame you due to the fact you enjoy sexual activities.

One big lesson I learn is listening to how someone will deflect the blame on the victim reveals the person's true perspective and feeling of that person. Also, the lack of support and blame of responsibility as my mother has with me is another bad sign the person thinks negatively of you.

Even as heartbreaking a situation has become there comes a point when we must place ourselves first and sever all the relationship that place us in harms way. As I said to my mother "If I am the problem. I will be happy to remove myself out of the equation".

I am not sure what is worse the touching or the verbal sexual assaults. The stepfathers touches makes my skin crawl and creep. Matter of fact, I did not like him when I met him after my mother married him. The sad part they knew each other only for 30 days when they got married. My step father has a record of a sexual assault of touching a women's boob in public. Also, he has been know to touch his ex-wife's daughter. Another odd thing is a confessional my mother found stating he had a fantasy since I was a teen about having sex with me. Yet, despite all this, my mother still holds a percentage of blame towards me. She also gives her husband the excuse he is sick in his mind. What is interesting is the stepfather controls himself with strangers that are dress revealing. My mother has no say on how others dress. She also says that is different. My mother says if he did what he did to me to a stranger now that would be an sexual assault. I guess the only thing I can be lead to understand with that sick belief is it is not consider an assault since my mother and her husband believes I ask for his verbal and physical assaults by being me. 

So, lets talk about the broken penis. What confuses me is my mother's husband as not had a working penis since the early part of their marriage due to drugs and health issues, yet she blames me for his sexual advances. Not that it matters much, yet for the record, I am not interested nor have I ever been interested, regardless if my mother's husband is functional or not. Peeing on himself due to his prostate removal  just makes things more awkward and uncomfortable. As well is the stepfather promise to love and honor my mother. I have had a golden rule since I was a teen, never date or play with my mother's men or in the stepfathers case, sickos. Yuck, double dipping is not my thing and that is another disgusting thought. 

So, despite the lack of support, be sure to say no to unwanted talk or behavior. If  you are alone without support, if all else fails, call the police and let them get the right help for you. After the first no do not allow a pattern to develop. 

Nothing is personal. Often times if we allow the person to get away with bad behaviors the behaviors will either escalate or the pervert will assault another person. I know calling the police is hard when there are loved ones involved. Trust me, sometimes outside help is a must.

Have you been sexually assaulted by a family member or a stranger? Did you report or did you feel the negative action was your fault? Did you know men can be sexually assaulted as well as a woman? Leave a comment. Tell me what is on your mind.

Never be ashamed of who you are. Always remember your are valuable and the sexual assault does not determine your worth. No Means No. Nothing is worth years of torment, not even the love of a mother. Of course, the love of a mother is broken if protection is not there regardless of age of the child. Yes, I may not be a child at this stage of life. However, I am a child of  my mother's. She has a long history of not being there in times of need since I was a baby. I am not sure if healing of trust is possible. I do know for sure the recent talks with my mother reveals how my mother feels in regards to how I dress and my character in which damages the trust to a point of unseen healing.

Update 10/17/17 9:58 am

As time goes by and mother chooses not to speak to me since I went public, I realize how blessed she is in this ugly situation. Every-time my Stepfather harassed me verbally and physically was a felon. I could had called the authorities. I could had pressed charged. My Stepfather could had been explaining to a judged why he insist on touching my butt and asking for oral sex.  

So, Yes my mother is blessed I chose to avoid and walk away. Also, my mother said no more secret relationship as if I had suggested that to my stepfather. If she would had not blamed me for her husband sexual advances I would not had made her dirty secret public. 

My mother is a great example to be careful what you wish for. She told me a dozen times no secret relationship with her husband. Well there was never a relationship and now that everything is public no more William the sexual offender in my life. I hope he is blessed to read my final no.

Mother, I warn you and him since I was a teenager. No means No. William, your husband, is a sex offender, no matter the excuses you give him. 

Yes, we are missing out on great adventures I had plan for us. I was even willing to work with the situation for the sake of love of you. The sweet thing life will reward all. 

On the cold lonely nights remember you had chosen to believe your husband over your child that expected nothing but unconditional love and acceptance in return by you. Just as I have awaken, so do you my dear mother need to see the reality that your sacrifice love to gain. May Karma have mercy on your soul. May the demon dogs show your husband his way on this earth. 

Blessed Be


Wednesday, October 11, 2017

The Gift of Insight, FREE readings!

Picture created by Eve Hoffman

Fall is a time of year when everything is getting cooler and getting ready for the Winter months. Be sure to ask about the falls special  to take advantage what the guides may have to help you this fall and upcoming winter season.

Having the best clear insight for any situation or person allows us to make educated decision that bring a bright, successful, and hopeful future. The guides are here to help you see the multiple paths that possible. A good reading is a way to light your path so you may stubble less and achieve me.

Depending on your desires we may look at what is at hand in the present, as well as what past influences that will cause harm to the future. Also, we can look to see what needs us to ponder, as well as what to do.

Call 254 640-8264 to schedule or email Eve at evehoffman@rocketmail.com

Please be sure to pay for readings prior to scheduling your appointment. Payment receive will insure a place on the schedule. No appointment will be set until payment is confirmed.

Fall Specials 

1.  Refer a friend get one equal reading for free (be sure the person mention who referred along with contact information to redeem special)
2.  Leave a comment to earn one card reading for free.
3.  Buy Ten online readings get one free
4.  Buy 5 on the phone reading get one free

Prices as follow without discounts or specials applied

One card reading online with video  $5.00 usa
Full Reading online with Video $10.00 usa
30 Minutes reading on the phone 20.00 usa

Thursday, October 5, 2017

How to learn the guitar at any age

When I was a kid I played the clarinet, as well as drums. Life adventures of heavy parties and trying to survive curbed my desire to learn and express myself through music.

When I did play my clarinet for example, the music took me away from the harsh world in which I was growing-up in. Since I was on the run ( this is a deep story of why I had been planning running away since I was five years young. Perhaps one day I will tell my side of the day I decided my parents might as well had been wolves) at the age of 12 years old having the time, safe place and discipline was not the top priority. The sad part not even food was my focus and I loved to eat. Nope just a place to party to forget my troubles, as well as rest my head.

So, fast forward with me if you will into adulthood. I always said if I stopped smoking cigarettes, I would learn to play the saxophone. This started in my early 20's. Well, I guess I loved smoking over any music expression I desired. So, another couple of decades past and I finally stop smoking cigarettes.

For the past few years, I kept wishing I could learn to play something. Yet, I felt to old to bother. Then a light lit up and I realized that was the same excuse I had for smoking. Everyone starts at different stages of life. Yes, would had been nice to flourish my musical talents back when I was a kid. Of course having a healthy stable home each night and day would had been nice too.

At first, I wanted to barrow the guitar from  my mother. My mother has had a nice guitar for thirty years. I was sorry I bothered to ask. That is OK. Not the first time my mother could had improved my life and chose not to be a positive influence.

The funny thing is I have learned more in two day then my mother has in all the  30 years she has had the guitar. Despite my natural musical talents, as usual my mother took the opportunity to reveal her level of value I have in her perspective. So, after my mother made a comment letting me know her guitar was more valuable then me was the spark to get my own. She could had simply said no. Did not need to add the value of the guitar verse me. What we say is not always important in how we say things.

So, I order a cheap beginners guitar. I have my eye on a nicer one as a reward of learning. My guitar is not as nice as my mothers at the moment. Yet, my guitar is being played. I am learning the strings. I have also learned one note so far. Even if I had a pricey top of the line guitar, not knowing how to play the guitar makes the item a expensive decoration. Plus after much research, I feel, I got the best beginner guitar so I may know what Guitar I wish to have after I learn.

Now, once I learn the G note and the G note is second nature to me, as well as I am sick of the G note, I will learn the next note. A good friend is teaching me to play the acoustic guitar. I am taking his advice by taking one step at a time to build a firm foundation. He said I will learn C next and then to transition the two notes. At the moment I am happy with G. I am confident with dedication and patients I will quickly master the Guitar.

I do need to build the tips of my fingers up to be tough. Boy, the tips of the finger are sore after two days of practicing the frets and G note. I will have to build the toughness, as well as the flexibility. I was told conditioning the finger tips can take a few weeks. Let's see how long my soft finger will cry.

The great thing about learning music at any age is the action of the hands doing two different things while your brain gives directions is a great way to stay healthy and youthful. The brain is a muscle that needs a workout as well. After four plus decades of observing and living life, trust that the old saying "if you don't use it, you lose it". This expression applies to all aspects of life.

So, follow along, watch me grow my musical skills. If you like to learn. Great! You do not need to know how to play any music or have a special talent. All you really need is the desire, dedication and practice.

I will update once to twice a week depending on progress. I look forward to your comments and suggestion.

Thanks for sharing as well. Rock on! Express yourself however possible.

Video created by Eve Hoffman

Monday, September 25, 2017

How to break free of a relationship when a ageless bond has been forged

Picture created by Eve Hoffman
Not all relationships are lasting. We must learn to let go when the relationship inflicts harm.
Not all relationships are lasting. We must learn to let go when the relationship inflicts harm.

Knowing how to break free of a relationship when a ageless bond has been forged can be tricky. Sometimes freedom takes years. There are a few good signs often times leads to a end of a relationship. Even the healthiest of relationship only can take a series of tragic events. 

Some unhealthy relationship do start early. My mother's and I's relationship became toxic at a early stage of life. I knew at a very young age my mother was not a person that would be stable. I feared for the worse. As most fears, the worse grow to the heartbreak today. 

My mother has had a history of choosing men over me, including my father. Also, when times gets rough, my mother gets running. There was countless time she left me with a relative or my father to simply not deal with me when I was a child. Rumors had it she started started dumping before I could walk. The popular place to rid me according to the rumor mill was my grandmother's home. As you see there as been a years of unfortunate events that has caused harm to the relationship.

The biggest break and one we may have never overcome was when she ran and left me behind despite our plans for a man according to my father. I was nine years old. She stayed away for two years. The time I saw my mother again, I went through two years of seeing  the dark side of life. I saw people shooting up drugs and violence, such as my father beating his new girlfriends while they were naked. He beat his girlfriends until sometimes he knocked out their teeth. We had lots of traffic day and night due to the drugs my father sold. Also,  my nightmares were terrible. During this time, I developed a hate for my mother since she was not there in my time of need.  I cried for the first year in secret. Without comfort from my parents, the only thing soothed me was hate. I had two years to figure out why she broke our plans and ran off with another man according to my father. 

After that moment there was series of unfortunate events that leads us to where my mother hates me today. Now these days, I no longer hated her. I am sad. I am heartbroken. I am disappointed. I am simply tired of the judgments. I am also sick of the constant need my mother has to change me. Yes, I have had to raise myself since nine years old. Yes, I may be rough around the edges. At the end of the day, I do my best with the tools my parents gifted with me early in life. Thanks for the broken tools.

Now let's look at the signs when to end an unhealthy relationship, so we know how. 

One of the big signs the relationship needs to end is feeling that your best is not good enough. Whenever I am around my mother, I never feel good enough. Her actions of trying to change me shows me my mother thinks I am not good enough. 

One example is how my mother speak to me as well reveals she thinks I am lower then the gutter. The other day when I went shopping with my mother said "oh you better go to Walmart cause you cannot afford Drug Emporium. The prices are better at Walmart". I saw how she sees my value low. Matter of fact, I shop Drug Emporium all the time. I simply wanted away from her, as well as what I really needed was at HEB. I was debating which store to go Walmart or HEB. I love bargains. 

Since I am still working my dream to earn an income I am frugal. My mother fails to realize, I rather have fun adventures with my dogs then invest into material items. Yes, I may be materiel poor. When a person takes the time, he or she will discover I have other values. 

To recovery from being in my mother's presents can take me days and even months. Not only she makes me feel terrible about myself. I am guard. This leads us to the second sign, trust. 

Now if trust is broken and years has past without improvements, the relationship is dead. My mother broke my trust countless times as a child and adult. There has been to many times she sat idol while I was harmed emotionally or physically. I try to endure the anxiety of being around her despite the gut feeling if the world was in trouble, she would run leaving me in harm.  

Once a time in history my mother was proud she could beat me physically. The funny part is now she claims to be afraid of me. I will only defend myself, my mother has nothing to fear. Of course her fears may be coming from having the desire to harm me. I notice my mother reflects her damage on me, as well how she sees herself and life. I get the feeling my mother is miserable until see someone more so then her.  

The third reason to break a relationship is unhealthy fear. The mental abuse from my mother has gone on so long now the tables are turn. She has claims to be fearful of me. What my mother does not understand is me being on guard is because of her husband always making sexual advances, while she does nothing. She once stood idol while he beat me What is it that would encourage her today to do what is right?  So. I tend to be jumpy or touchy. Not to fear dear mother, I trust living life alone with your husband with teach you the harm you placed on me. This is another reason to let the relationship end. The end of our relationship will open a space for my mother to learn her lessons and see she never had anything to fear from me. I unconditional love and accept her regardless if she does for me. The unconditional love is what feeds onto the false hope.

Plus my mother throws fits when she does not get her way. I am the opposite. I do not have the urge to control and boy my mother controls everything, or so she thinks so.

Now the fourth reason to have a relationship come to an end is unhealthy controls. My mother says " I control my husbands skirt strings" all the time. She is correct. My mother controls and pays for everything. She even tells her husband how much money he is allowed to keep in which he earned. My mother even spies on all what her husband does during the day and night, including printing out phone records. My mother's husband works and blindly listen to all my mother's demands. I can imagine she uses material items to punish or reward her husband like a monkey. My mother cut her husband's testicles off years before he lost them to cancer. So unlike me, ask my husband. I will asked of something of him, such a saving money and hope you does. Yet,  I do not control anything he does on any giving day.  

The biggest harm all my life with my mother is the constant trying to control. Control is an illusion is my motto for this reason.

Once I realized my mother bought things for me to control me, the trick did not work. My mother fails to realize even dogs cannot be control for very long with manipulation. The best things is to educated, help awareness, while allowing the person the freedom of choice.

If I agree always with my mother life is good. If I give her the illusion of control, our relationship appears to be functional from the outside. The sad truth is I die inside. I lose what I want. I lose sight of my path. I become less then. I don't see me looking back in a mirror, just the facade my mother is attempting to create. This brings me back to not feeling good enough. 

When I have to change everything I am to suite my mother controlling habits sends myself a loud message everything I every was, is, will be, or dream of are not good enough.  

Now the last reason to end a relationship when everything results back to you not feeling good enough. I once did drugs to hide from the pain my mother caused. I even once in history cut myself to avoid showing emotion. No more destructive behavior due to toxic relationships.

 Now this is how we can break away from a long and very unhealthy relationship. 

First step is to become indifferent. We must let go of any dreams or fantasies that traps into the relationship. The sad part is we must let go of hope. Without the person, we must work on all issues and emotions that remain within us to release them into freedom. 

Second step is forgiveness. Allow karma to care for everything, while you focus on achieving pure freedom through forgiveness. Sometimes we must even forgive ourselves for giving-up on hope for example. You will have moments of what if I had tried longer. Say "No, Say I love and forgive myself. I did not give up hope entirely. No I simply change hope to a positive and realistic goal", repeat until you accept.

Third step keep clear the reason for the death of the relationship. Do not allow imagination to honey coat the person or relationship. This is how abuser keep us trapped in a relationship. When we are aware, honey cannot mask the bitter truth. 

Fourth step do not respond and remain silent. My father was a silent man when most were around. Alone together a whole different person. We talked for hours. One positive lesson my father taught me was his quite moments were a sign he did care for the person or situation. So, he choose to focus on other things. So, I have learned to remain still and silent when I do not care for someone or some situation. The relationship will die if we do not feed with a response.  

Fifth and final basic good start to end a unhealthy relationship is to allow time to pass. Time does not heal all things. However, time does allow the pain to not hurt so much. Some relationship we get over in a second. Now other relationship that are attached to a dream sometimes can take years to overcome. 

My father was clinically mad and depressed. He was abusive to himself, as well as others all his life. The one gift he gave me that stands among a slue of things I have learned is always see reality and not what I dream. My father said I would suffer less if I saw people for how he or she is and not what I wished. 

My father was correct. I had always wanted loving parents no matter the storms life brought. I let this dream cloud how my parents really felt about having the burden of a child. 

The final blow for me and my relationship with my mother is realizing I would take my father's physical abuse over my mothers emotional abuse even today if my father was alive. One thing my father came with a warning. He did not make me feel such as gutter trash as my mother. At best he gave me a reason to become stronger, wiser, more aware, and to always think. My father never wanted me to become the same as my mother. End in later years of  my father's life he hated me and thought I was the same as my mother. He was wrong then and now. I work simply to be myself. 

The number one reason we should end a relationship is when we can not be ourselves, as well as improving  at our pace naturally. True lasting change comes from within. Sometimes in order to discover our personal success in life requires removing all toxic relationships. 

Everyone path is different I spent the fist 44 years trying to please others. Now I am living to be the best me. Thanks for joining me. We will explore all kinds of things in life that can make life changes for the better or worse, such as removing toxic relationships that serve no longer serves a purpose in our lives.

Do you have a toxic relationship? Are you trapped in a cycle and do not know how to break free? Is the relationship escalated into stalking? Leave a comment. Tell me what is on your mind.

If a relationship is toxic to a point of violence, be sure to contact the proper authorities to seek protection and help. 

Self-defense classes is also a way to feel safe while ending a unhealthy relationship. 

There is stages that are similar to losing someone to death. There will be times you feel your heart will explode. You may feel as if you cannot breath. You even may hurt so deep simply due to the inner cries of false hope. 

One way to let go of a relationship is to recognized the purpose of the relationship, be grateful for the times that were healthy.Say good bye. I love you. 

As you see Letting go is at the start of everything. Embracing each moment regardless of the pain  deep within will bring you peace in the end. 

Thanks for leaving a comment and sharing. One person at a time makes a better place, together we make a better world. Free yourself to attract the positive people that are healthy and appreciate your for simply being you. 

Unconditional love is pure acceptance without control. If others cannot provide such love, gift yourself until the universe vibrates the people that do understand to love you without conditions. 


Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Cost of Smoking Includes Relationships. Secrets to Quitting.

Picture created by Eve Hoffman
The Biggest challenge is to change the mindset that is attached to the habit.
The Biggest challenge is to change the mindset that is attached to the habit.

The cost of smoking goes deeper then most people can envision. One of the cost of smoking is relationships. One clear obvious ill side affect is death that will sever the bond of  a relationship permanently. There is also resentment that can build and cause a relationship to change negatively or come to an end such as death. My husband's lies and attachments to his cigarettes has brought us to resentment and now heading towards indifference.

One of the major issue is the lie. Not only is my husband not telling me the truth, he is misleading himself. The root problem of the lie is he will never see the cigarettes for the value they give. He will never see a clear plan of stopping the bad behavior of smoking. His lies will keep him trapped within his habit. 

He told me once I should understand how difficult it is to quit. Actually, the one thing I clearly understand is he set me up for failure for years, even decades. If it was not for him, I would had quit years ago. The one thing we had to break was the habit of smoking together, as well as him leaving me cigarettes just in case. Positive changes take time and baby steps. This is normal, after all we have been married close to 30 years and been smoking about 27 or 28 of the 30 years. Rome was not built overnight.

Well, I researched enough to understand how the 7000 chemicals effect the body and mind when smoking cigarettes. I now know what the body and mind is really addicted upon and the 7000 chemicals is not one of them. That is why I smoke my own e-juice. I know the three ingredients. So. with understanding and patient, I work through each craving a few years ago. I know freedom from the addiction is possible when the person is willing and has the desire.

So, while I worked through the cravings, I focused on how my husband needs me healthy. Also, I kept in mind my fur-babies that needed me. Eventually I realized my negative actions not only affected me, the actions has effects on the fur-babies. Now, this really set my goal of becoming smoke-free into play. This is one of the main reasons I resent the husband smoking. 

OK, so, from my perspective if the husband truly cared about the family's well being he would quit smoking cigarettes. We have the tools. We have nicotine. So, he does not have to endure harsh cravings. Yet, the sad fact is he rather live the lie the big cigarette companies want him to live instead of living a healthy life. 

He is healthy now to a point. The present moment is a good time to quit smoking before he develops any negative health issues. Research shows the minute a person stop smoking cigarettes the body starts the repairing process. Also, once he works through all his pathetic excuses, the husband will discover he will feel much better as his health improves positively. He has a awful cough and a snore that keeps me wake at night. I imagine the coughing and snoring keeps disturbing my husband awake as well. Also, he is 50 years old now. Perhaps he should realize how blessed he is to have good health and celebrate his life with  the healthy choice of stop smoking.

The number one reason I am so anger with the husband is his attitude appears not to care to quit for better good for the family. Appears he much rather do as he pleases and abandon us in the end to a terrible sickly death. He sounds like Darth Vader from Star Wars when he breath naturally. The breathing issues do clear if he would stop smoking. Shocking, he starts to breath better within one day. Yet, he has lied to himself for so long he thinks his breathing issues are allergies. Sure keep telling to yourself lies.

Also, if he can lie about something I clearly can smell, what is he hiding that I cannot not detect. Another sad point is the lack of intimacy. The husband rather not kiss me to avoid me on the days he lies about smoking. This in itself has caused a bad habit of not kissing. If I am lucky, I have one small elderly of a kiss a day. The kiss is unpleasant. The kiss comes with a lovely dirty ashtray smell. Sometimes sweat or spit from him licking his lips. Really, Yuck! Also, if I am really lucky, the smell comes with a bite from his unshaven face. Now that is another issue in which he cannot help growing very strong pubic hair on his lips. Yep, I am the same as the rat that got shocked each time the rat reached for the bread. My face even cringes at the thought. Ouch!

I hope the husband wakes before things are to late and I simply do not care. I am already not caring to make e-juice for him. Why should I waste the product I enjoy. The only way I can be motivated to help is the lies must stop. He must honesty set the cigarettes down for good. The husband must take the time to explore the 40 flavors I have to see which one works for him. He must quit with personal desire. I cannot do this for him, nor would I. 

I can go on all day about the ill-side-effects of smoking. However, a person has to learn on her or his own to really set positive change into motion. 

Once a person breaks a habit completely the addiction does indeed go away. Thankfully even addictions are only temporary and cravings are fleeting. A simple change in perspective or desire can take away the cravings for good in a instant. 

For me being healthy for my family and the discovery of making my own e-juice is what helped me break my sad delusional need for the harmful  expensive cigarettes.

Kissing and cuddling are my two favorite activities. These moments lead to a healthy loving relationship. Too bad the husband prefers to smoke dirty smelly cigarettes then show some love to his wife that loves him despite is lack of caring in return.   

Well I have been with him close to 30 years. I do have hope that there will be a moment that he will have the desire to make the much needed positive healthy changes to quite smoking. Smoking is a complex behavior. Stopping takes lots of personal work of discovering the why the person smoke. Also, once we discover the why we need to look at the tools that are needed to resolve the bond with the bad habit. Furthermore, learning the sound or logical reason why we want to stay smoke-free is a must. The number one way to stop smoking is simply say no with each craving and no not give into the demand of the urge. 

In time the cravings will slowly become few. Also, with practice the cravings can completely disappear. Cravings do only last up to ten minutes at a time. The trick is to deflect the moment keeping the mind busy. With each no the cravings do go away faster. Keep in mind the cravings can be like children that are ignored. The cravings will throw fits to get you to break your commitment. Now, if you keep saying no and do not give into the craving, the urges soon disappear. My biggest gift was to find my healthy passion for my family to quit. If you made it this far in the article change is just a matter of time. Finding your passion to drop the bad habit and become healthy is one of the biggest secrets next to desire.

So, no matter how many times you have tried to quit smoking cigarettes, keep trying. Just as your habit took time to become a daily must, so does resolving all the reason you chose, such a harmful act against yourself in the fist place. 

Amazing feeling to have when you truly become free from an addiction. Quitting is possible and very personal. Try everything you can to become the healthier you. The rewards outmatch the sacrifice of the delusional need for smoking. Don't forget all the emotions are the same as losing a loved one to death. Also, embracing the process will make things easier and quicker. Moreover, keep in mind craving and emotions are similar to clouds, everything shall pass.

Leave a comment. Do you need help in making the healthy choice of not smoking? Did you realized the harmful effects that goes beyond the second hand smoke the life that shares your world? Did you know the cost goes beyond money or physical harm and into the relationship you may hold dear to your heart. 

Keep in mind, I am not a professional just someone that struggled for over 20 years to stop smoking cigarettes. I know all the sad excuses why I could not stop smoking cigarettes. Well,  today I am 44 years young and feel better then when I was 24 years old, even my skin looks healthier. I for sure added more healthier years to my life. I am living proof that we must change our mindset to truly see positive results in our lives. I shamefully started when I was 10 years old. I smoked for about 32 years. Perhaps my next post will be the details of how I broke free of the nasty cigarette habit. Stay tuned.   

Friday, September 22, 2017

Is Your information being sold without Permission?

Picture created by Eve Hoffman

Wow, I understand we are all attempting to make a living to enjoy the basics in life in every creative method possible. Sometimes in order to make or save money we must allow our information to be sold and traded. What is shocking is the information that is being sold without our prior knowledge or permission.  
Business Insider (BI) reveals that the House Republicans allowed our internet providers to sell our search history without permission back in march of 2017 when Obama was in charge of the US. See BI full article click here . One great reason for this new law is this allows advertiser to sell the right ads to fit our search habits and lifestyles. I wonder how much profit the advertisers will increase? I can imagine there are organization and people profiting off of all kind of information being sold without permission.

What makes a person wonder what is the deeper reason why the internet providers are not wanting to be  informative to the consumer. 

According to BI, thankfully this bill is not in full act. President Trump still must sign the bill into law. Also, there will be a appeal. If Trump does not do what is right by the people, a appeal is assured.  I understand the desire to sell information to better a service or product, while increasing profit. Also, learning how to advertise benefits the consumer. I much rather see less commercial while avoiding the ads for products or services I will never utilize, such as ads for dairy. What is not acceptable is doing business in secret. The act of not being open invites trouble and greed to flourish. Typically this mentally is for the good of the individual and not the people as a whole.

Do you believe we should have the right to know when information is being sold or traded? Or do you feel if you are part of the consuming society selling information is a given? Do you think Trump will do the correct and moral act by vetoing this Bill?

The provisions are set to take affect this coming December of 2017 (BI). Will be interesting to see what Trump decide to do with the bill.

What is your privacy worth? Leave a comment, tell me what is on your mind. Thank you  for the share.

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