Saturday, September 23, 2017

The Cost of Smoking Includes Relationships. Secrets to Quitting.

Picture created by Eve Hoffman
The Biggest challenge is to change the mindset that is attached to the habit.
The Biggest challenge is to change the mindset that is attached to the habit.

The cost of smoking goes deeper then most people can envision. One of the cost of smoking is relationships. One clear obvious ill side affect is death that will sever the bond of  a relationship permanently. There is also resentment that can build and cause a relationship to change negatively or come to an end such as death. My husband's lies and attachments to his cigarettes has brought us to resentment and now heading towards indifference.

One of the major issue is the lie. Not only is my husband not telling me the truth, he is misleading himself. The root problem of the lie is he will never see the cigarettes for the value they give. He will never see a clear plan of stopping the bad behavior of smoking. His lies will keep him trapped within his habit. 

He told me once I should understand how difficult it is to quit. Actually, the one thing I clearly understand is he set me up for failure for years, even decades. If it was not for him, I would had quit years ago. The one thing we had to break was the habit of smoking together, as well as him leaving me cigarettes just in case. Positive changes take time and baby steps. This is normal, after all we have been married close to 30 years and been smoking about 27 or 28 of the 30 years. Rome was not built overnight.

Well, I researched enough to understand how the 7000 chemicals effect the body and mind when smoking cigarettes. I now know what the body and mind is really addicted upon and the 7000 chemicals is not one of them. That is why I smoke my own e-juice. I know the three ingredients. So. with understanding and patient, I work through each craving a few years ago. I know freedom from the addiction is possible when the person is willing and has the desire.

So, while I worked through the cravings, I focused on how my husband needs me healthy. Also, I kept in mind my fur-babies that needed me. Eventually I realized my negative actions not only affected me, the actions has effects on the fur-babies. Now, this really set my goal of becoming smoke-free into play. This is one of the main reasons I resent the husband smoking. 

OK, so, from my perspective if the husband truly cared about the family's well being he would quit smoking cigarettes. We have the tools. We have nicotine. So, he does not have to endure harsh cravings. Yet, the sad fact is he rather live the lie the big cigarette companies want him to live instead of living a healthy life. 

He is healthy now to a point. The present moment is a good time to quit smoking before he develops any negative health issues. Research shows the minute a person stop smoking cigarettes the body starts the repairing process. Also, once he works through all his pathetic excuses, the husband will discover he will feel much better as his health improves positively. He has a awful cough and a snore that keeps me wake at night. I imagine the coughing and snoring keeps disturbing my husband awake as well. Also, he is 50 years old now. Perhaps he should realize how blessed he is to have good health and celebrate his life with  the healthy choice of stop smoking.

The number one reason I am so anger with the husband is his attitude appears not to care to quit for better good for the family. Appears he much rather do as he pleases and abandon us in the end to a terrible sickly death. He sounds like Darth Vader from Star Wars when he breath naturally. The breathing issues do clear if he would stop smoking. Shocking, he starts to breath better within one day. Yet, he has lied to himself for so long he thinks his breathing issues are allergies. Sure keep telling to yourself lies.

Also, if he can lie about something I clearly can smell, what is he hiding that I cannot not detect. Another sad point is the lack of intimacy. The husband rather not kiss me to avoid me on the days he lies about smoking. This in itself has caused a bad habit of not kissing. If I am lucky, I have one small elderly of a kiss a day. The kiss is unpleasant. The kiss comes with a lovely dirty ashtray smell. Sometimes sweat or spit from him licking his lips. Really, Yuck! Also, if I am really lucky, the smell comes with a bite from his unshaven face. Now that is another issue in which he cannot help growing very strong pubic hair on his lips. Yep, I am the same as the rat that got shocked each time the rat reached for the bread. My face even cringes at the thought. Ouch!

I hope the husband wakes before things are to late and I simply do not care. I am already not caring to make e-juice for him. Why should I waste the product I enjoy. The only way I can be motivated to help is the lies must stop. He must honesty set the cigarettes down for good. The husband must take the time to explore the 40 flavors I have to see which one works for him. He must quit with personal desire. I cannot do this for him, nor would I. 

I can go on all day about the ill-side-effects of smoking. However, a person has to learn on her or his own to really set positive change into motion. 

Once a person breaks a habit completely the addiction does indeed go away. Thankfully even addictions are only temporary and cravings are fleeting. A simple change in perspective or desire can take away the cravings for good in a instant. 

For me being healthy for my family and the discovery of making my own e-juice is what helped me break my sad delusional need for the harmful  expensive cigarettes.

Kissing and cuddling are my two favorite activities. These moments lead to a healthy loving relationship. Too bad the husband prefers to smoke dirty smelly cigarettes then show some love to his wife that loves him despite is lack of caring in return.   

Well I have been with him close to 30 years. I do have hope that there will be a moment that he will have the desire to make the much needed positive healthy changes to quite smoking. Smoking is a complex behavior. Stopping takes lots of personal work of discovering the why the person smoke. Also, once we discover the why we need to look at the tools that are needed to resolve the bond with the bad habit. Furthermore, learning the sound or logical reason why we want to stay smoke-free is a must. The number one way to stop smoking is simply say no with each craving and no not give into the demand of the urge. 

In time the cravings will slowly become few. Also, with practice the cravings can completely disappear. Cravings do only last up to ten minutes at a time. The trick is to deflect the moment keeping the mind busy. With each no the cravings do go away faster. Keep in mind the cravings can be like children that are ignored. The cravings will throw fits to get you to break your commitment. Now, if you keep saying no and do not give into the craving, the urges soon disappear. My biggest gift was to find my healthy passion for my family to quit. If you made it this far in the article change is just a matter of time. Finding your passion to drop the bad habit and become healthy is one of the biggest secrets next to desire.

So, no matter how many times you have tried to quit smoking cigarettes, keep trying. Just as your habit took time to become a daily must, so does resolving all the reason you chose, such a harmful act against yourself in the fist place. 

Amazing feeling to have when you truly become free from an addiction. Quitting is possible and very personal. Try everything you can to become the healthier you. The rewards outmatch the sacrifice of the delusional need for smoking. Don't forget all the emotions are the same as losing a loved one to death. Also, embracing the process will make things easier and quicker. Moreover, keep in mind craving and emotions are similar to clouds, everything shall pass.

Leave a comment. Do you need help in making the healthy choice of not smoking? Did you realized the harmful effects that goes beyond the second hand smoke the life that shares your world? Did you know the cost goes beyond money or physical harm and into the relationship you may hold dear to your heart. 

Keep in mind, I am not a professional just someone that struggled for over 20 years to stop smoking cigarettes. I know all the sad excuses why I could not stop smoking cigarettes. Well,  today I am 44 years young and feel better then when I was 24 years old, even my skin looks healthier. I for sure added more healthier years to my life. I am living proof that we must change our mindset to truly see positive results in our lives. I shamefully started when I was 10 years old. I smoked for about 32 years. Perhaps my next post will be the details of how I broke free of the nasty cigarette habit. Stay tuned.   


  1. Well, Hell ! We all know that Smoking cigarettes is a self distructive habit , very costly and brings poor health.
    Yet , there is another habit that cause much harm to relationships. Controlling Personality is not a good trait, this makes it hard for people to live in Peace, it bring anxiety into our lives. Your husband lies in order a achieve a moment of Peace.
    Constantly being scolded is not a pleasant way to live. have sympathy for your husband , who apparently cannot enjoy a smoke, without a scolding. I wonder what would you do if you found out that he enjoyed a steak sandwich, without your knowledge , just saying.
    Perhaps, you will take a Look in the mirror to see how you contributing to your relationship conflicts.
    Do you realize the harm that is caused by someone who wishes to Dominate every aspect of your life?

    1. Thank you for your comment. Control is an illusion. I feel for you. Be careful your words are not a reflection of your own control issues and problems with your husband. My husband can enjoy poison if he wishes, as he can for a cigarettes and eating flesh. I will be there to encourage him to make a better choice. Saving lives is not a control issue, for me saving lives is a passion. Saying nothing as someone brings harm into is or her lives is showing you lack of love. I am only silent to the ones I do not love in my life. Sorry you see a person with the courage to speak up for the voiceless is dominate controlling person. I see you would never stand up for what is right, but what is easy.

  2. Did your husband smoke when you got married? Was this a activity that you enjoyed together ? Yes, smoking is a unhealthy habit. Your husband will quit smoking when he is ready to, and not a moment before. You cannot make another Grown Adult change any habit. It will take considerable work on your part to change your habits that bring you unhappiness . I suggest that you work on yoursel , and allow your husband to work on himself.

    1. Yes, we smoke years before we actually were married. Perhaps at one time we did enjoy smoking together. Because I care for his health I will continue to encourage my husband to stop. Thanks for the suggestion. Stay tune to see how I have manage the past few years to stay smoke-free despite the husband smoking in my next article. Here is a tip, I did indeed focused on myself. Thanks for the comments. Stay tune to see how I did work on myself through all kinds of issues and defects, such as becoming a smoker.

  3. Started smoking when you were 10 years old, very sad. Do you remember
    what promped to take up such a Nasty habit ?

    1. Yes, ten years old is young to start. Of course I was a light smoker when I first started. I will have to think about your question and answer your question in the post how I quit smoking. Thanks for the comment.


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