Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Any unwanted sexual advances is not acceptable, Yes Me too

Picture created By Eve Hoffman
No mater the smile, no means no!
No mater the smile, no means no!
Let's get real for a minute and take away the shame of saying No. We don't have to be a celerity, famous, or rich to have experienced unwanted sexual advances that "No" does not stop. Any unwanted sexual advances is not acceptable, Yes Me too.

For close to 30 years I tolerated sexual advances from my stepfather for the sake of the fragile relationship with my mother. I said "no" to my step father in so many creative and straightforward ways I came to a point I did not know what to do. However, the moment my mother revealed to me she felt this sexual advancement was my fault, I said no more.

I knew since I was a young child my mother did only things that was best for her interest. Whenever times got tough, my mother got running. Typically I was left behind to figure things out on my own. Trust, I saw more cold nights at a park sleeping or under a park car when I was a 12 years old then my mother had in her whole life. My mother never had my back. I suffered more then she will ever know due to her selfish choices. I knew confronting the stepfather and forcing my mother to face the truth would cost our relationship.

One of the reason I knew my mother would not support me was in the past she allowed her husband to lay hands on me because she felt I deserved the beating. She stood by while he hit me and did nothing when I was roughly 17 years old. I had to stay with my mother and her husband for a short time with I was about 17.  I said "Fuck you" to him in an argument my mother was having with him regarding me. He beat me for using the word "fuck".  She said out of principle I had the beating coming despite how her husband was talking or treating me in disrespect.

Also, my mother will not give up money or her convinces. The stepfather has provided the basic comforts, as well as provided my mother with the illusion of ownership of a home (she still has a loan and has to pay land taxes, the house will never be truly hers). As my mother said I have nothing to offer her of value in material items. Well since she has harmed me since I was five years old in some emotional or physical manner, not having anything to offer her is understandable.

So, for years my step father has gotten away with sexual assaulting me, such as sliding his hand down the back of my pants to grab my bottom. He started sliding his hands down my pants when I was a teen. When I approach my mother on the subject her solution was to have me change my clothes.

Instead of facing the pervert my mother married after knowing him for less then 30 days she decided to blame me. My mother decided to blame how I dress, walk, and talk. Despite my mother reading a confession how the stepfather had a fantasy about me since I was a 16 years old, my mother blames me.

The list of blaming me can go for miles. My mother reaches for the smallest things to justify her husband negative actions towards me. My mother said I wear to revealing clothes. Also, she said he could not help himself since he saw my nipple through my shirts.

The craziest excuse my mother gave her husband was I flashed him when I was wearing a dress by mistake and the step father took me flashing him my vagina as an invitation or permissions to violate me with sexual advances and touching.

The most hurtful excuse was when my mother said I have daddy issues is why her husband does not take no for an answer when he begs for oral sex.

Now the cruelest thing my mother has said to me is if he did this to anyone else her husband behaviors would be a sexual assault and unwanted harassment. Yet, since the person is me, my step father's constant touching and begging me for oral sex is me asking for the advances from her husband with my behavior.

One of the saddest facts is I am now in my mid 40's and the step father in his mid 70's now with a penis that does not work, nor has worked since his forties and yet he still trying to have oral sex with me. Really, after three plus decades you would think he would stop. No matter how I dress or behave conservative the step father does not stop the unwanted advances. With every excuse my mother provides my step father becomes worse.

Now the strangest things was my mother even tried to act shameful with my husband in a sexual manner to prove her point that behavior will provoke a man. The funny thing is he is six foot ten inches and she is only five foot two inches so my husband did not notice my mother. Her plan failed. She was left embarrassed and the point lost. Sad my mother does not see my husband only respects her because she is my mother. She is like a mother to my husband. Unlike my step father, my husband understand personal boundaries and respect.

At first when all the different famous people were coming out and talking abut the sexual assaults and harassment I thought the subject was a joke. Then my mother reminded me that keeping quiet only allows the person to cause harm as my stepfather has done for the past 30 years. Even after going public the stepfather does not understand the word No. My mother still places the blame on me.

So, I have no choice but to stay away from my mother. The sad fact she is as guilty as her husband by allowing him to beat me and make sexual advances for the past 30 years. No matter the excuses, any unwanted sexual advances is not acceptable, Yes Me too.

Make a Stand. Say No. All else fails call the authorities to stop another person from being the next focus as well as me too.

#Metoo #Nomeansno

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